A Lurking Power
You walk into a room and getting a whiff of something, seeing a small object, or even hear a song and you just get thrown into a tizzy sometimes. Right? No matter who you are or what you do nobody is an exception to this power. It can bring you to the happiest of times, or to the lowest of the lows. This power is known as nostalgia - and let me tell you this… nostalgia is a real b@#$%.
It’s such an incredibly powerful, unforgiving, and unforeseen rush of emotion from the smallest little things that seem so insignificant to anyone else, but to you it means it all. The feeling of nostalgia has two main reactions:
A sense of joy, reminiscing about the “good ‘ol days”
A sense of sadness - how did things get to where they are now? What happened from then to now? What am I even doing?
During this trip I’ve felt both of these outcomes of nostalgia and I decided to do a little research on nostalgia. Starting by breaking down the word itself:
nost - a Greek rooted prefix (nostós) meaning ‘to return home’
algia - a Greek rooted suffix (álgos) meaning suffering or pain
The information above is from monumenttotransformation.org
By breaking this word down it helped me gain a better understanding of what it was I was actually feeling, because instead of actually feeling things sometimes I like to analyze them. To disarm these feelings, break them down into the who, what, when, why, and where. Turn these feelings into an academic feel, so I just completely separate myself from them which isn’t very smart. Instead of conceptualizing feelings I need to just let them be and let them come to me.
Dumpling Day - The Good ‘Ol Days
Since Gabby and I have been in Russell I have been doing a ton of cooking. I prep food so it can be frozen to be reheated later on and usually I make about 75 to 100 dumplings to freeze. So if either of us is hungry or if I’m feeling too lazy to make dinner we just have a backup there. I love doing it. Making dumplings with Gabby is always a ton of fun because we turn it into an assembly line, I make all the filling and as I make the next one she folds them.
When I finished making the last batch of filling, I couldn’t help but tear up though. It brought me back to being a child, in my childhood home in the kitchen with my mom, all the way back to when we were living with my grandparents. I remember I would make dumplings with my mom, and it brought so much life into both of us. Even while writing this I well up because of how perfect of a moment it is for me. It just brings insurmountable joy.
Flash forward to now and I’m doing it with another woman that I love, creating memories that I will cherish for many years to come. I remember Gabby looking at me and asking me if I was okay because I’m not normally one to cry. With the tears that I had in my eyes all i was able to utter was a single word, absolutely.
Finding Reason - What am I even doing?
Before we left for New Zealand, before we even decided to go to New Zealand actually, Gabby and I were at her grandparents. Her father, Jim, was there as well. Gabby had expressed to him that I needed some direction because I was struggling with finding any path or even any reason. Then I just felt so stuck and didn’t know what path I should take or what steps I should be taking to get to where I want to be.
Jim gave me some of the best advice that I’ve ever received and I still remember it to this day. He said - forget the money, it’s about what you love doing, if you can find something that you can lean into and make some money from it, that’s the goal. Obviously, I’m paraphrasing but that was the gist of it. Hearing that it really made me look for what it was that I wanted to do, find the things that I was good at and hone those skills.
From there on I did a deep dive into what I enjoyed doing or things that I thought I was good at. I created a mini action plan and started to research classes on three things: marketing, sales, and public relations. I was extremely motivated to do these things and figure out how I can make them work, but I took a step back and had to ask myself the most important question of all: why do I want to do these things?
Everything on that list I was in it not because I liked it all that much, the reasons I liked them were because I saw the potential to make more money than I had ever had in my life. That’s not the right reason to go into an industry in my opinion, yes you should be making a living but if you’re only in it for the money you’re going to hate your life.
Flash forward to now I got back into the same kind of funk: stuck, without reason, and worst of all the sense of feeling alone. I know that I have Gabby and she does do a lot for me and is always supportive, but I find it hard to express certain things to her. It’s not just to her though it’s to almost everyone, but I swallowed my pride and we talked it out.
Immediately I was sent back into that original feelings I had before talking to Jim on the deck. At that point I really started questioning myself, why I started this blog, why I started this podcast, why I came to New Zealand, all of it. I felt lost. Which can be the worst feeling of all.
Breaking the Funk
Nostalgia can swing you any which way and recently it wasn’t so nice. In order to break out of the funk that I had found myself in, I made a short list of goals and they are as follows:
I ordered 250 business cards with a QR code on them that when scanned lead to our Linktree. For those who don’t know, Linktree is a website where you can put all of your links in one spot for everyone to view conveniently. I put our Instagram, YouTube, Substack, and a few other links in there. My goal is to hand out 3 cards a day to random people, but I need to have a conversation with them first. In my mind having a conversation with someone and having an “offering” can lead to good things. In a sense my goal is to just really put myself out there.
Gabby gifted me a subscription to Coursera Plus, which allows me to take online courses on pretty much anything that I’m interested in for free. This is one of the greatest gifts I have ever been given, and is one that I plan on using every single day. My second goal is to really dive deep into my interests and use the opportunity Gabby has given me to the best of my ability. A cool thing about these courses is that they come with certificates that are recognized by almost every major corporation or business, and can potentially lead to remote work for me. It would be amazing if through these courses I was able to get a job so Gabby and I could continue to travel without having to go into an actual office.
If these courses to do not lead to remote work, it’s definitely not a lost cause at all. I can take courses that can help scale this blog up, and grow the Finding A Kiwi brand. Although rather obvious the goal is to grow Finding A Kiwi and create a good community around it. This one is a lot easier said than done but I love what we’ve been doing with this blog and podcast. I don’t see doing any of this as work because I love it, it’s fun, and although it takes awhile to get all of this done - I’m always happy with how it turns out.
M & F - 🎧 & 🍽️
Music and Food are two constants in my every day life, and I think that I have a deep appreciation for these two art forms. Whenever I am working, cleaning houses, I always have my AirPods in and the same goes for whenever I am cooking. Listening to the music of a friend, a family member, or a partner can give you a lot of insight into who they are and how they’re feeling. Recently I’ve been listening to a playlist I have named 🎍.
This playlist is 9.5 hours of just older music that I love to listen to. It’s just good music. Lots of Billy Joel and the Grateful Dead, which are my childhood favorites, and Steely Dan a band that I knew of but hadn’t listened to a bunch until the last year or so. There’s also a few oddball songs in there by Frank Zappa who I’ve become a huge fan of more recently for his musical genius and odd style. I listen to this playlist everyday while cleaning and it doesn’t get old, I sing and dance along with almost every song too.
I do listen to that playlist a lot, but I also listen to a lot of older hip-hop/rap music with one of my favorite artists of all time being OutKast, they were an early 2000’s group. In the late 90’s I would say my favorite artist is 2Pac, who was a great storyteller and lyricist. Early 90’s I would have to say Ice Cube who was a part of N.W.A, a group that had some huge names but he broke off from the group to go solo. This playlist is called 💾.
** If you have any suggestions for artists for either of the playlists please comment them and I will listen! Recommendations would be awesome, and maybe you’ll even see me talk about them in upcoming articles 👀.
Food I made recently that has represented how I feel:
At home Chipotle Bowl
Gabby was craving Chipotle but here in New Zealand there are none. So I decided to make this!
Ingredients:
1 head of romaine
1 ear of corn
Chicken Marinade-
1/3 cup soy sauce
1/3 cup olive oil
1/4 cup orange juice
1/4 cup lime juice
1 Tbsp apple cider vinegar
2 cloves (2 tsp) minced garlic
1 minced jalapeño, seeded
1/3 cup minced cilantro
2 tsp salt and pepper
2 chicken breasts butterflied or 8 chicken thighs
Avocado Sauce-
1 avocado peeled and roughly chopped
1 garlic clove minced
1 tsp olive oil
2 Tbsp mayo
Juice and zest of 1 lime
Salt & pepper to taste
Vinegar sauce
2 tsp red wine vinegar
1 red chili diced
1/4 of a red onion, very thinly sliced
1/4 tsp of red pepper flake
Salt and pepper to taste
Method:
Prep work
Mix your soy sauce, olive oil, orange juice, lime juice, apple cider vinegar, cilantro, minced garlic and jalapeño in a large bowl. Whisk together then add chicken, put the bowl in the fridge for at least 30 minutes (leaving it over night will make the chicken even better).
Peel and roughly chop you avocado then add it to a small blender (like a nutribullet). To that add garlic, olive oil, lemon juice and zest, salt and pepper, blend until it’s smooth - 60 to 90 seconds. Taste for salt and pepper, then add your mayo. Blend again, and set aside in the fridge.
Thinly slice a red chili and red onion then transfer to a small bowl. Add your red wine vinegar and red pepper flakes, mix together then check for salt and pepper. Set aside.
Chop your romaine then soak it for 5 minutes. Drain it, spin it, and divide it up into your serving bowls/plates.
Shuck your corn then boil it for 6 minutes. WIth a brush apply olive oil, salt pepper, and paprika.
Cook
Start your grill and get it screamin’ hot, around 400 F.
Once it’s to temp put your corn on direct heat to char. Add your chicken to the grill and cook for 4-5 minutes a side (Butterflied chicken breast). If you used chicken thighs (bone out) cook for 6-7 minutes a side.
Once your corn is charred about 10 minutes remove and cut off of the cob then set aside. Remove chicken from the grill and let rest 3 minutes.
Dice up chicken and add into the bowl of lettuce, then finish with the avocado sauce, and vinegar sauce. Add other toppings such as: cheese, tortilla chips, avocado, lime vinaigrette, pickled red onion, jalapeños, the possibilities are endless.